I put them in order. The first one is the newest and the last one is well, the last. I feel like ive cut more in the past few weeks than i have in months.
I dont know whats triggering me so bad
I just hurt
Sometimes i just get so tired of caring about what happens to me. And the consequences of my self harm. It pulls me in too hard. Too heavily.
I dont feel like this was enough. And i dont think it will ever feel like enough until all i am is scars.
I want to lacerate next time. I need something big, bloody, and deep.
I want to dig the razor into my skin and carve like im a pumpkin.
I want to carve until my veins are dry. I want to carve until i can finally unleash the waves of red hidden inside me. So let me carve. Please.
blues-budding-razor 
i hadn’t seen u in a while. i hope u are doing well in quarantine, wherever u are. if u are, keep it up. it’s okay if u aren’t. i’m kinda going to vent a little but i hvent relapsed since the second to last week of March and quarantine is killing me. i feel it coming but i havent even had the energy to look for my blades since i’m so out of it after relapsing and throw them anywhere. i’ve also felt discouraged the past year because i see my cuts being more superficial and pointless. like a waste of space and time, kinda like myself. we can talk or vent to each other if you’d like.
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